I don’t know
No, it’s not about time, neither is it about growth, it’s about the heart.
“A man’s heart deviseth his way: but the LORD directeth his steps.”
It is darn hard to be a help and support to a man who doesn’t prioritize you.
Maybe somethings can be balanced and worked out over time, but changes flow from what or who is in one’s heart.
And it’s not looking good now.
Sometimes, I feel that it’s really not the issue that matters as much as the way it is dealt with between us. Nothing is acknowledged, both want to speak and be understood in their own terms. So we end up going back and forth and back and forth, I often wonder if you even get what i set out to say, and it’s often proven otherwise. You’re so much more interested in giving me your narrative and justifications, even if it doesn’t address my heart.
T i r e d
So very tired of this
Makes me wonder, maybe it’s just not time for this, maybe i don’t have the capacity to endure these, maybe it’s just too far from what i hoped things would be between a couple.
No, it’s not that i’m impatient, not that i’m not willing to wait, or be there at the finishing line to embrace you, it’s just that i know your heart is not here with me, and you’ve been saying all sorts of things to that, talking about your own stuffs, moving away from the subject, maybe it’s because you have no clear answer yourself… Tired, of being with you, there’s a hollowness to this, arguments and justifications, no heart to care, no heart to love, what’s your heart? I don’t know…
Yes i’m tired, very tired.
I wish not to give up on this thing that we share
But i don’t know how
There’s no more strength in me for this
When we come to mind
It’s like beholding waves of disappointments crashing upon the shore
I stare on, hopelessly, not knowing what to do
Should i pray that He gives me strength not to give up? I don’t know.
